Perimenopause and the return of my sex drive

I was in my early 40s when perimenopause first showed its ugly little head. If you're reading this, you likely know the symptoms. I thought it was all bad news; nothing to look forward to except hot flashes and losing my hair. Until I was 44. 

Ah, 44. The year my sex drive came back. 

Where had it been? I liked to joke that it was the IUD, repelling men for too many years. But really, my sex drive was non-existent. I was fine with that, back then. 

Now, perimenopause has done me one solid. Instead of losing interest in sex, my appetite had not only come back, it had grown. And it was still growing. 

So where does a 40-something go when she's single and horny? 

Tinder, of course. 

Tinder, where the “short-term fun" section was always busy, as was “non-monogamous.”

The first step is the hardest, right? I set up my profile.

***

When I was 38, I had my first IUD replaced. I'll skip over that trauma (IYKYK). Little did I know something worse was on its way. 

Celibacy. 

It's a word I didn't think I'd ever need to get comfortable with. But it turns out my second IUD was cursed to act as a man repellent. 

I don’t remember the last guy I was with before this sexual reawakening. It must have happened slowly. So slowly that I didn’t realize not only was I not feeling attracted to anyone, but I didn’t feel attractive at all. 

A couple of years passed.

Did I miss men? Not really. 

My condo was quiet and peaceful. It was just me and my sweet cat, Sasha. I had friends to visit and have brunch with, family to spend time with.

Was I sexually frustrated? Not really.

I had some "helpers" to carry me through, and eventually my sex drive started to fade. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a relationship. I didn’t want sex at all. After a couple of years, I didn’t miss it. I had moved into my own house with my new three-year-old dog, Winnie. I got a car and felt the freedom I didn’t have while living downtown.

So what happened? Why, in my 44th year, did I suddenly feel everything come rushing back? The passion, the wanting, the touch that I'd been missing without realizing it. Did it happen suddenly like it felt? Or did it creep in slowly without me realizing? Either way, and for whatever reason, it was back. 

I knew I wasn't craving a relationship. I was craving (company, touch, sex, release? All of the above?). My life was mine and I loved it. I had a companion in Winnie, I was a homeowner, owned my car, had a job I loved, and had friends and family who would do anything for me. 

Why would I want to bring a man in and ruin my peace and quiet? To infiltrate my sanctuary?

Right, because despite all that I had, I did feel lonely sometimes.

Fill this out

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Sometime around June, I felt good enough about myself that I rejoined Tinder with the sole goal of finding a friend with benefits (fwb). I had done the dating app thing plenty of times before, so setting it up was no problem. But what to stay in the profile? How do I say I only want sex without coming out and saying I only want sex? (God forbid if someone I know sees this!)

I settled on the profile you see above. I chose pictures that flattered, of course, but threw in one or two “normal” ones to temper expectations. I'd just lost about 20 pounds and was feeling good about my body but all my pics were of my slightly overweight self. Better than the opposite, when it comes to catfishing, I guess. 

Lead into the first two conversations, talking to Monica about staying safe, and being stood up. 

Add in sections with the girls, examples of text convos where possible, need to make it more alive than just what happened generally.